Crazy Things Toddlers Make Parents Say

Kids are weird. Scratch that – Kids turn parents weird.

My daily phrases used to include a simple, “How was your day, honey?”

Now my usual conversations involve being forced to call my daughter “Captain Banana-Pants” (which is the pirate name she chose for herself.)

Any non-parent might find this humorous. But to those of us on the inside, this is no laughing matter.

When arguing over bedtime, I have to approach the situation like I’m negotiating a global peace treaty.

I may be using terms like “snuggle bug,” or “night-night blankie,” but I mean business.

The list of ridiculous things I say with a straight face is long. Here are my recent highlights:

• “Stop kissing the shopping cart.”
• “Why did you just lick my kneecap?”
• “That was very sweet of you to tuck in that water balloon and sing it a lullabye.”
• “You don’t need to wear your light-up sneakers to bed.”
• “Your tricycle won’t fit in the bathroom. Nor do you need it to.”
• “Please take my underwear off of your head.”
• “You don’t eat ketchup with a spoon.”
• “Get that bologna off the trampoline.”
• And the No. 1 most-repeated phrase: “Get that insert ANY object here out of your nose.”

I would love to see the written transcript of a day in the life of a parent with toddlers.
Without context, we all probably sound like mental patients.
And even with context, it’s still kind of weird to hear anyone keep a stern tone when saying, “stop filling your hat with pickles.”

Watch Baby Bump Editor Katie Saltz on ABC36 News@Noon on the first Thursday of each month.
 She shares her favorite products and resources for parents and babies, and always has giveaway prizes for viewers!