Letter From Katie: Moms on the Internet: Stop the Shaming!

Have you ever posted something on the Internet and immediately regretted it?

I don’t mean an embarrassing photo or an inappropriate comment. I’m talking about posting about your kids.

I use social media, blogging and chat boards in my pursuit of perfect parenting. When my daughter was born, they seemed like a lifesaver. All these knowledgeable mothers, ready to chime in with advice whenever I needed it!

Then came the shaming. It wasn’t obvious at first. Just a piece of “advice” phrased in a way that left me wincing.

I began noticing how often this happened. A mom would ask for a formula recommendation and would instead get a lecture on breastfeeding.

Someone would ask for opinions on a sleep-training book and be scoffed at for even considering the practice.

I could be looking for advice on how to handle toddler tantrums and the responses would leave me feeling like I was an absolute failure for not handling them better.

Not all the responses are like this. There are many moms who think before they type and make sure their advice doesn’t become an attack.

But I have definitely gotten to the point where I think twice before asking for help from an Internet group.

Social media is such a double-edged sword for parenting. It can be a forum for frustration or an opportunity to make connections and form friendships.

I’m lucky to have developed a thick skin by my third child. I have learned to ignore the “sanctimommies” when they come out to wag their fingers.

But other women might take their harsh words to heart. We need to find ways to offer advice without resorting to shaming.

None of us are doing this whole motherhood thing perfectly. A little kindness goes a long way with a mom who is just trying to do her best.