School Is Hard So Keep Home a Safe Place

Bowen got a pink slip today for misbehaving at school. He not only feels bad and discouraged, but he is afraid to go home because he knows a punishment will be added.

Mom will look disappointed and give him more evidence that he is bad. He might decide to hide the pink slip and hope she doesn’t find out.

He feels alone, hurt, angry and has no opportunity to learn how to do better.

If this pattern continues, he will have no desire to do better because he will have given up on himself.

No parents would intentionally weaken their child and undermine his confidence, but it can happen inadvertently when parents add another consequence to one already given at school.

Of course, there needs to be a conversation about what happened, but to facilitate change, home should provide a safe place for children where they feel supported and encouraged.

That’s a parent’s job.

School is the teacher’s domain. Whatever consequences happen at school should stay there.

Parents need to keep clear boundaries. Here are some ways to make that happen.

• All children need a place where they know they are loved and safe. If a problem comes up at school, talk with your child about it.

Make time to calm yourself first if you need to so that you can approach her with equanimity. Remember, this is about her, not you.

• Be a good listener first – and empathize. Try to see things from her point of view.
• Help her identify what the problem is and come up with some ideas to solve it.
• If the teacher needs to be involved in a conversation, consider having your child handle it, when she is old enough. Try to avoid being the middleman.

You can meet with the teacher individually if you prefer, but involving the child helps him learn how to communicate and become his own advocate.

It is a real challenge for parents to allow their children to be in charge of themselves when it comes to school.

By making home a safe place, parents find that their children want to come to them. Today more than ever, home is a refuge.

The lessons of love and repair are the ones that will last and create a solid, secure foundation for life.

Dr. Lesley Iwinski is the mother of three grown children, a family physician and owner of Growing Peaceful Families, LLC. She offers classes, workshops and seminars.

Info: (859) 333-3053 or www.growingpeacefulfamilies.com.