The Power of Unconditional Love
Recent research suggests that the secret to a successful and happy life is a person’s Emotional Intelligence. Employers prefer people who work well with others and have empathy to those who are merely smart.The best way to instill emotional intelligence in children is to give them unconditional love.
We’ve all heard of unconditional love, but what does it really mean? And how is it connected to EI?
First, let’s look at the definition of Emotional Intelligence:
- The ability to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions
- The ability to recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others
To a parent (it always starts with you), it means the ability to accept your mistakes, to make amends, to forgive yourself and others, to appreciate your strengths and to be aware of your challenges.
If you were fortunate to receive this message as a child, you are very lucky indeed.
If you find yourself on the receiving end of an inner critic’s negative commentary on what you do and how you behave, you may not have been as fortunate.
Chances are that no matter what your caregivers intended, you got the message that they would only love you when, for example:
- You were quiet
- Your room was clean
- You got good grades
- You were polite
- You never did anything wrong
- You did all your chores
- You were successful
It’s likely you now understand from the vantage point of age that they did love you and did the best they could. Still, you probably didn’t always feel loved. Some people feel that they are unworthy of love.
Without a foundational belief in your own goodness, it is difficult to grow in Emotional Intelligence.
You can never spoil a child with unconditional love, expressed with warmth, respect, empathy and firm limits.
Helping a child to identify, understand and manage her emotions is a vital first step in building brain pathways of self-regulation.
Helping her learn to recognize and understand the feelings of others allows empathy to grow and blossom.
When children (and adults as well) feel understood rather than judged, they are free to learn.
Unconditional love says, “I’m here for you, no matter what you are going through.”
When you believe in your own goodness and the goodness of others, you have the foundational building blocks for Emotional Intelligence.
Suggested reading: “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman; “The Whole Brain Child” by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.
Dr. Lesley Iwinski is the mother of three grown children, a family physician and owner of Growing Peaceful Families, LLC. She offers classes, workshops and seminars.
Info: (859) 333-3053 or www.growingpeacefulfamilies.com.