How to Help a Child Adjust to a New Baby

Children experience a kaleidoscope of reactions to bringing another child into the family, ranging from excited and happy to sad and teary to angry and uncooperative – sometimes all on the same day.

Influences on how well children accept the arrival of a new sibling include their age, the number of children in the family, the quality of existing relationships, the parents’ health, the presence or absence of routines, and the amount of support available for mom and dad, to name a few.

There is no one “best way” to navigate the ins and outs of bringing another baby home, but here are a few helpful ideas to get you started.

• Have well-established routines around morning, bedtime and meals, and stick with them as well as you can.
• Have a list of people you can rely on when you feel overwhelmed. Call them early. Don’t wait until you are drowning.
• Talk about the new baby beforehand.
• When you come home from the hospital, have a gift for your child “from the baby” and open it together.
• “Practice” caring for a baby with a doll or stuffed animal.
• Greet your child with open arms (someone else holding the baby) when you first see your child. Give him a big cup of love.
• Avoid breaking away from your child the instant the baby cries. Instead, pause for a moment and say, “Derrick is crying! I wonder what he wants.”Allow your child to help solve the problem as you check it out together. If she doesn’t want to join you, that’s ok. You can report back soon.
• Spend 10-15 minutes of special one-on-one time every day with your older child (or children). This time will go quickly and is one of the best ways to prevent off-track behavior.
• Be supportive of your child’s feelings and listen deeply. Acknowledge that yes, it must be so hard to share Mommy/Daddy.Yes, I can see why you’d like to send her back. We did have a lot of fun together when it was just the two of us. What do you miss most? Can we do that this afternoon?
• Welcome your child’s assistance in any form it takes, even if it doesn’t really help. Graciously thanking her for handing you a baby wipe gives her a sense of belonging and helps her feel valuable.

Until the new baby arrived, your child had a very clear idea of who he was and where he belonged.

He has been the sole recipient of all of your time, attention and love for as long as he can remember.

His world has changed. He is grieving, confused and looking for a new way to belong.

Try to see everything through your older child’s eyes, and then imagine how you would like to be treated. Most of all, keep your heart compassionate and open.

You can find more ideas at ahaparenting.com.

Dr. Lesley Iwinski is the mother of three grown children, a family physician and owner of Growing Peaceful Families, LLC. She offers classes, workshops and seminars. Info: (859) 333-3053 or
www.growingpeacefulfamilies.com.