Mom’s Book: This Special Path Is Not Easy
We settled into our chairs at a local coffee shop, sipping coffee as we met for the first time. I had read Heather Amos’ book, “I’m Not OK,” and had a broader appreciation and insight into the painful and lonely reality many parents face when their children have special needs.
I had questions for this young author. How did you decide to write a book? How do you manage the frustration of trying to care for yourself? Your spouse? Your other children?
Why did she write a book? “Really, I just got mad,” she said.
Her mother suggested that she find a way to explain what she and many parents experienced.
Heather wanted her readers to know that life for parents of children with disabilities can be difficult.
Parents in her book speak of the never-ending challenges of going to appointments, navigating health issues, educational needs… all while caring for other children, a partner, and sometimes (lastly, if ever) themselves.
Their desire to share the reality of their lives isn’t for pity. Pity only makes parents feel worse, and even more isolated.
Parents would like understanding and appreciation for the work they do, Heather said. Empathy for their situation helps soothe their fraying hearts. Sincerely expressed concern as in, “How are you, really?” decreases loneliness and emptiness.
One of the greatest needs is for some time away from parenting, also known as respite, so moms and dads can recharge their batteries and maintain their other important relationships.
For parents with children with medically complex situations, finding a caregiver can be daunting.
What about when people behave in unhelpful ways or are insensitive?
Rarely are strangers mean-spirited but some act out of ignorance. Some parents isolate themselves because they are battle-weary from the stares and comments of those who don’t know better, and from those who fail to realize the weight those judgments can place on these parents.
What can each of us in our homes and communities do? Something very small but consequential, Heather said. We can be kind.
- Offer a smile
- Be encouraging in your words
- Look for small ways to be supportive
- Show genuine interest
- Teach your children compassion for those who struggle
- Learn more by asking or reading
- Volunteer
The depth of kindness we extend to others matters. Remember the words of the Dalai Lama: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
Dr. Lesley Iwinski is the mother of three grown children, a family physician and owner of Growing Peaceful Families, LLC. She offers classes, workshops and seminars.
Info: (859) 333-3053 or www.growingpeacefulfamilies.com.