Set an Example by Caring for Yourself
Frightened. Shaken. Small. Powerless. I’m sure most of us have felt like this at some point during this coronavirus crisis. These feelings can see overwhelming at time, but listening to and caring for our feelings is central to well-being.
I know when I listen to my feelings, they tell me what I need. When I am ready, I have a clearer idea of what to do, how to be, how to move forward.
During these days of sheltering in place, I really appreciate all the ideas being shared on Facebook and other social media.
Having a schedule, relaxing about school work, making meaningful memories, and reaching out to others – this is what I want to embrace.
But first, there are the feelings. I think of my children when they were young, and the times when they felt badly about something. How quick I was to solve the problem, cut to the chase, make it all better.
It seemed like the right thing, the helpful thing to do. Just don’t pay attention to the sadness, the fear, the pain… do whatever you can to make it go away or ignore it.
I was mistaken. Eventually, I learned to be a better listener.
I still have to consciously let go of my ego’s desire to fix everything and to make it better. I have learned to be with someone who has strong feelings and just be present and hold their experience with them.
Today, I am challenged to do this for myself. I’m not being dramatic. Just being honest with the core heaviness of walking through these days of uncertainty. It feels almost matter-of-fact.
My feelings tell me I am human. Your feelings are telling you the same thing. It is not only okay, it is good.
At the same time that we share in our individual smallness, we also share in the collective power of all that is good about humanity.
Perhaps you draw your strength from that belief. Perhaps you draw your strength from a God who gives you strength when you have none of your own to give.
Whatever you believe, these times call for the crystallization of our deepest beliefs and values. A time to care for ourselves well enough that we can be caregivers for our children, parents, neighbors.
It is also a time to find warmth, to look for laughter, to slow down and just be.
How we care for our emotions sets an example for our children, no matter how old they are.
How we listen to them without trying to fix things, how we look into their eyes and understand them, how we hold them in our hearts… this is what matters most. Their memories of these weeks and months depend upon us.
Let’s do our best to teach them patience, resilience, the art of being creative, and also just the beauty of being in the present moment. When we join children there, we ourselves are enriched.
So, I hope you find inspiration and consolation in your faith, family, community and online relationships. And I also hope you will hold your feelings and care for them, in order that you can help your children find the strength to do the same.
Dr. Lesley Iwinski is the mother of three grown children, a family physician and owner of Growing Peaceful Families, LLC. She offers classes, workshops and seminars. Info: (859) 333-3053 or www.growingpeacefulfamilies.com. Y